My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
