guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
