brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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