When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize