she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
