went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize