): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
