you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Randomize
