I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
