My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
