Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
im holly from the hills drunk
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
