why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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