my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Randomize
