Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
