oh god the rape fog is back!
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
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