Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
