she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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