Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
