i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Randomize
