i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
