when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Randomize
