I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
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