I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
