I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
