I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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