The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
