I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
