I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
