I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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