i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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