You don't have asthma, your pregnant
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
