I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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