Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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