Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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