you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
