you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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