I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
