It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
