Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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