i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
