I love black thongs
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
