Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
