when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
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