Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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