Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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