the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Actions speak louder than pants.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
