I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
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