I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
