We're facebook friends in real life
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
