The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
