yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
