all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
