plz talk dirty to me
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
