I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
not ubering you a puppy
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
