Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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