why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Randomize
