Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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