He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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