...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
