drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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