Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
