My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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