I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
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