I bet he comes in French.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
