sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
