I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
