wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
