morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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