i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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