I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
