honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
