A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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