There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
